CARY, NC – On the heels of finding out it once helped nurture Kevin Neal – the shooter who killed five people on November 14 in California – the town of Cary is hoping desperately there’s no connection to Cary that someone will dig up about recently deceased serial killer Charles Manson.
“We have no concrete evidence that Charlie grew up here, visited here, or even knew about Cary,” said Mayor Harold Weinbrecht at a hastily arranged press conference at the Town Starbucks/City Hall. “We’re sure he would have found Cary to be the charming Southern town we all know and love, though, and it might have changed the path his life took.”
Others were skeptical about this last claim. Cary has been no stranger recently to high-profile crimes, including a home invasion in 2016. Some have speculated, though, that if a town allows developers to name a street something like “Sandy Whispers Place,” the location of the crime, they’re kind of asking for it.
The latest incident to shake the tight-knit community of Cary was supposedly a terrorist threat in which a Wilmington native tweeted “don’t go to Cary tomorrow,” but the DA is reportedly thinking of dropping the charges, considering the tweet could have just been good advice.
Tagged beige, cary, charles manson, Harold Weinbrecht, local parody, local satire, spoof, starbucks, terrorist, terrorist threat, ungrammared