Compiled scientifically by Roger Thornhill, Ungrammared Correspondent. Idea totally not ripped off from The Onion.
“I didn’t vote for the guy, but Molotov Mitchell got one thing right: Josh Stein could stand to do a few push-ups.”
Meredith Basnight, SBI Agent
“Why are there so many f**king judges?”
Gilbert E. Driver III, Orthopaedic Surgeon
“Today I cast my vote for Kay Hagan, and sent a clear message for Thom Tillis to stay the hell out of my vagina! Wait, can I rephrase that?”
Lisa Glenn, Banker
“I totes don’t even know who I #voted for. I just came out to see the cray adorbs #models! Like, I didn’t even know the human body had so many #abs!”
@JennyWaldrop, #NCSU sophomore
“Where are the shirtless female models, you sexist pigs? Thanks a lot, Obama!”
Billy Forcey, Sgt. Maj, US Army (Ret.)
“On the judges, I always vote for the woman, because they excel at judging.”
Karri-Sue Hollenback, Dental Hygienist
“It’s not that I’m against parks. I’m just against paying for parks.”
Tiffany Kasey, Unemployed