Biden’s 16 “Pretty Please Don’t Attack” Targets Released

By MARTIN BYRDE

GENEVA – President Joe Biden sought to present a tough U.S. stance on Wednesday when he presented Russian President Vladimir Putin with a list of critical infrastructure that he said should be “totally, 100% off-limits” to cyberattacks.

“Let me be clear,” said President Biden. “These 16 companies, websites, people and places are absolutely essential to the continuation of our democracy. If any Russian – I mean, international – bad actors attacked any one of these, it would bring us to our knees. You follow, Vlad?” Biden then appeared to have an irritant caught in his right eye.

Ungrammared’s European Affairs desk chief managed to obtain the so-called “List of 16,” which had been crafted under the code name “Briar Patch.” The list is as follows:

Fox News

MyPillow

Bain Capital

Mar-a-Lago

Babylon Bee

Hunter Biden’s laptop

The US/Mexico border

Goya Beans

Any Trump International golf course

The Susan B. Anthony List

Ungrammared.com

State of Texas

Jeffrey Toobin

DC-area cicadas

Wuhan Institute of Virology

Kamala Harris

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