Barack Obama Updates LinkedIn Profile In Anticipation Of 2016 Job Search

By NORM D. GUERRE          SEP. 3, 2014

WASHINGTON – President Obama announced today he has updated his LinkedIn profile in anticipation of leaving office in 2016. “In an economy like this, it’s never…too early to get the ol’ resume updated and circulating among potential employers,” the President reported.

“I’ve uploaded several work samples from my time in DC,” stated the President. “I included a memorandum on killing bin Laden, a copy of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, and a section of the Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010.”

According to sources, these work samples are considered “feel good” pieces of legislation that most employers would look positively upon. More controversial work samples such as a copy of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act were not included. “I don’t want to risk scaring away a few potential employers,” according to the President.

“I’ve began following several companies to get a bearing on their direction over the next two years,” stated Mr. Obama. “I figure if one of their recruiters sees that I follow them, it’ll give me that much of an advantage over other candidates when it comes to the selection process and interviewing.”

President Obama diligently pastes together several work samples for employers to view.

Mr. Obama admitted that he could really use a professional picture for his profile. “The old one I’ve been using is a little out-of-date,” he stated. “When I first took this job I had a full head of jet black hair. Now, I don’t want my picture to lie about my age but a good photographer could definitely make that gray look distinguished.”

Several sources confirmed Mr. Obama’s recent LinkedIn connections being made have included Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, former executive of Microsoft Bill Gates, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, and local Walmart manager Tim Lowery.

The latest update of Mr. Obama’s profile has even included his honorary doctorate of laws from the University of Johannesburg. “I thought about adding the Doctor to my title at the top of the page,” Mr. Obama stated. “But I thought that might come across as a little pretentious and I certainly don’t to create that impression on any recruiters or employers,” he continued.

At press time, Rep. John Boehner was seen ignoring Mr. Obama’s LinkedIn connection request.

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