Black Families Routinely Separated at Prison; America Watches World Cup


DETROIT, CHICAGO and ELIZABETH CITY – DOJ officials sounded an alarm from these and other locales to Congress Wednesday that apparently, in accordance with federal law, black children are regularly separated from their mothers and fathers when their parents are sent to prison for anything from drug addiction to repeated misdemeanors or low-level felonies. To a potentially equally devastating extent, white criminals also are routinely separated from their children when they enter the prison system or drug rehab.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” said MSNBC gadfly and Mika sidepiece Joe Scarborough. “The U.S. is so much worse than the Third Reich.”

“Whoa, seriously?” said Brynnyn Holmes, a millennial employee of the Cameron Village Starbucks wearing a “Las familias pertenecen juntas” t-shirt. “They separate black parents from their children too? That’s messed up. Trump is an a**hole.” When asked whether s/he planned to protest nonviolent lockups and the prison industrial complex, Brynnyn mumbled something about having to watch Serbia play Denmark.

“I think it’s horrible, just horrible,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren (D., MA). “These undocumented Mexicans are innocent citizens of the U.S. and Trump is a racist xenophobe.” When told that the question was about white American drug addicts and black American low-level felons, and not about illegal immigration, Sen. Warren rolled her eyes and said her staff would look into it.

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