Ungrammared’s Tips For Staying Safe in the Heat

An endangered Brier Creek Moose keeps her family cool in the summer.

By BILLY N. FORCEY, Staff Meteorologist

RALEIGH – Mercury is rising! (And Scorpio is also in ascension. Taurus is in the house of Saturn, so attention to detail is more important than ever.) With a hot summer approaching, it’s time as always for Ungrammared to make sure the citizens of Raleigh and other places, if they get hot, stay safe and cool. Here are the most important tips to know:

  • Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of fluids. Drinks that contain fluid include Red Bull, vodka, cranberry juice with vodka, orange juice with vodka, and gin.
  • Avoid extreme temperature changes. Do not step directly from the outdoors into a meat locker.
  • Wear loose-fitting, lightweight, light-colored clothing. Try if possible to mimic a Moonie from the 1970s.                                                            
  • White clothes in summer are perceived in the West as “better,” but mostly because of longstanding bigotry and media bias.
  • Postpone outdoor games and activities until February.
  • Use a buddy system when working in excessive heat. Make your buddy work while you supervise. Take frequent breaks from supervision if working outdoors.
  • Stay out of Crawford and Son, ’cause that’s the hottest restaurant in Raleigh right now.
  • Check on family, friends and neighbors who do not have air conditioning. Ask them if you can borrow $20, seeing as how they’re saving so much money by not having air conditioning.
  • Check on animals frequently to ensure that they are not suffering from the heat. Cats in particular appreciate a cold bath on hot days. They will show their thanks by playfully scratching your eyelids off.

HEAT EXHAUSTION Excessive heat can lead to cramps and exhaustion. If someone is experiencing sudden irritability, loss of reason, or cramps in the abdomen, ask her if it’s her time of the month.

Tags: Heat Safety, Pet Safety, Why You Ain’t Got AC, Can I Borrow $20, It’s Hot in This Mofo

 

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