“A Day Without A Woman” Leaves Mayo Unseen Right in the Very Front of the Damn Fridge

By GIDEON DUSENBURY

RALEIGH – “Where the hell is my sammich?” came the cries from numerous hungry male mouths in farflung corners of North Carolina, as A Day Without a Woman put the brakes on meal making, competent secretarial assistance, and overly complicated Starbucks orders.

The silver lining was that RPD reported far fewer accidents from parallel parking. “We’ve really had no issues as far as that goes,” said Det. G. Coe. “In fact, Beltline traffic has never been faster or more wreck-free.”

Also, Triangle Business Journal reported record levels of productivity across the Triangle as there was no one to harass at work.

There was a slight hiccup in the smattering of protests around the world – as happened several weeks ago in the earlier protests – when most women were late to the rallies, having gotten lost numerous times.

In Cameron Village, a tumbleweed blew past C.T. Weekends, the area a ghost town with no women to shop there. North Hills Mall “just closed the damn doors after 10am,” when only one woman, a Pennsylvanian looking for directions, drove through, according to security guard Lance Gaither. “We might as well have a sinkhole here,” he said. “Women ain’t be shoppin’.”

Meanwhile, President Trump rescinded his ban on women in America, the root cause of the protests.

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