By CRAIG MILLAR APR. 15, 2015
In an article totally copied and pasted by Ungrammared’s lazy staff, it was reported that Obama will head to something called ImaginOn in Charlotte to talk to underpaid women about making less than men, or something.
While it is hard to imagine a leader of the free world taking people who write blogs called things like Serendipity and Spice and Peanut Butter Runner seriously, what is even more appalling to the online community (and Mur’ka at large) is the blatant snubbing of one of the region’s finest news outlets – namely, Ungrammared.com.
“It was clearly a message from DC to stop f**king with this Administration,” said political watchdog and John Locke Foundation president Kory Swanson. “After the story about Obama brushing up his resume hit, it was game on.”
“While people think we know everything there is to know about politics – mostly because we act that way – in reality, we get most of our news from Ungrammared,” admitted Chris Fitzsimon, director of NC Policy Watch. “Those guys have mad investigatory skills. They totally scooped us with the Obamas moving to Cameron Park story. We were all like, whhaaaaat?”
For a time, President Obama seemed to have a good rapport with Ungrammared, and he briefly served as an advice columnist for the Pulitzer Prize-winning news organ. However, that abruptly ended when Ungrammared, in a rare moment of journalistic integrity, jeopardized their relationship with the president by running a story about Malia and Sasha’s eating regimens.
Gov. Pat McCrory agreed that Ungrammared is an indispensable part of North Carolina’s brilliant news heritage, following in the footsteps of the late David Brinkley and Claude Sitton. In a prepared statement from the Executive Mansion, he said, “While the President may have decided that these muckrakers aren’t worth an invitation to Charlotte, I am honored that Ungrammared calls North Carolina home.”
He then bestowed Ungrammared with The Order of the Long Leaf Pine in absentia, and requested in return that “they please stop writing lame stories about me, like that idiotic clementines piece.”
Suspicion abounds that Ungrammared was originally invited to the women-writing-about-stuff-online event, but that Vice President Biden nixed the idea. When asked about this, Biden replied, “Those f**king d*ckholes who keep writing about me smuggling cigarettes and DJ’ing at the White House? Never heard of ’em.”