NC Department of Cultural Resources Launches Awkward “Friends of the Museum With Benefits” Membership Level



RALEIGH—In front of a really creepy Plensa installation depicting giant people taking dumps on the walls at the Museum of Art, Secretary of Cultural Resources Susan Kluttz announced that her department would launch a new initiative to get millennials interested in North Carolina’s rich cultural heritage.


Sec. Kluttz on her way to work recently.

“The Friends of the Museum with Benefits level not only offers free admission to the Art Museum, the History Museum, the Museum of the Albemarle, and many others, but the curators are required to make out with the patrons on request,” said Kluttz. “There are loads of closets to make out in, along with tons of rooms in the Oceanic art gallery, because seriously, who’s looking at that stuff?”

The NC Zoo dropped a similar plan in 2013 due to confusion about whether chimps constituted “benefits.” “We had a lot of visitors from ECU fraternities that year,” said Zoo Director Dr. David Jones.

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