Area Couple Fails Dog Adoption Home Visit

Apparently all out of dogs.

Apparently all out of dogs.


Cary couple Sheldon and McKenzie Lassiter failed their dog adoption home visit Tuesday, after a volunteer from the Carrboro-based Best Friend Pet Adoption thoroughly inspected their home.

Volunteer inspector Gretchen Lamski arrived at the Lassiters’ home at precisely 12:00 Tuesday afternoon. She arrived wearing the standard knee-length, blue skirt, white blouse, and gray button-up sweater. Lamski’s hair was pulled back into a bun “to convey the seriousness of the home inspection,” she explained, adding that she “prided [herself] in how tough her inspections were.”

Frankly, area couple would be happy with this dog.

Frankly, area couple would be happy with this dog.

“I knew we were in for a tough time when [Lamski] clicked that pen with such force,” reported Sheldon. “As soon as we opened the door to welcome her, she clicked her pen pretty hard and scribbled something down on her clipboard with a pretty disapproving ‘humph’.”

“I haven’t seen that kind of disapproval since my in-laws watched the Holderni’s ‘big buses’ video,” added McKenzie.

As Ms. Lamski made her way around the Lassiter home she paused several times to run a white, gloved finger over several surfaces, checking them for dust. Additionally, she ran her finger down several cabinet corners. “I’d like to see these corners sanded down, blunted, or covered with foam,” Lamski announced to Sheldon and McKenzie.

“And what about these?” Lamski paused by the coffee table and picked two grapes off a bunch, then took two grapes in her hand and circulated them in her palm while giving Sheldon an iron stare. “Dogs can’t have grapes, you know?”

“We just want a dog to complete our family,” said Sheldon later. “But with regulations the way they are and the inspector being from New Jersey by way of Carrboro…” he trailed off, his eyes misting.

At press time Sheldon had reportedly said to McKenzie, “F*ck it, we’ll just adopt a kid instead.”

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